Freedom from pornography

Sarvesh Mopkar interviewed Dr. Hemant Mittal, famous sex psychiatrist / therapist and Osho Shivo, an enlightened mystic and tantra guide on this highly relevant issue, with which a major section of society is grappling.

You are also most welcome to join for an interactive chat on the same subject on 28th Aug, sat 10PM IST at the facebook event page “Freedom from Porn Addiction.”

Introductions

Dr. Hemant Mittal

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM), founder of www.mindmantra.in

He is a neuro-psychiatrist. His early life experiences in distant continents like America and Europe, have been fused with his Indian Values to start “Mind Mantra”. The aim of this mission is to empower the society through a amalgamation of modern medical knowledge and powerful Indian gyan.

Osho Shivo

Osho Shivo is an enlightened mystic, who works on variety of subjects impacting the life in modern times, hence helping people to cope with evolving consciousness. You can add him on his facebook profile by name Osho Shivo. You can also email him at thirdeyeastrology@gmail.com

Interview

Sarvesh: Well, just a few day back, I had been to a near by Cyber-cafe and what I saw there was really shocking..A small kid, not more than 10 or 11 years old, was curiously glued to a porn site..What according to you is the reason as to why we get attracted to pornography? And why is the age of watching the first porn decreasing day by day?

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

1. 1st question: The reasons to get attracted to pornography?
Medically pornography leads to the following type of stimulations:
a. biological- audio-visual stimulation leads to generation of positive chemicals like dopamine and pleasure-center activation in the brain. This stimulation also stimulates sexual organs, which reinforces this behavior.
b. psychological- it stimualtes the repressed sexual desires of an individual. Giving it a vision and sound.

2. Why is the age of porn exposure decreasing?
a. increased availability of the same.
b. taboo about sex, which makes it more adventurous to watch.
c. If any adult at home or nearby vicinity is involved in the same, a curiosity to imitate the elderly male figure.

Osho Shivo:
Well.. why we get attracted to pornography? Because we have sick attitude for sex and nudity. Our society has so much guilt for our own bodies that it becomes something to be hidden and then there are elements who take advantage if it by being in the business of pornography.

In last century, there was a movement in Britain, with the objective that that the animal should also be clothed, as they roam around nude and it is indecent. I am certain, if that movement became a success, there would be huge animal pornography, publishing the pictures of nude animals and people would have been glued to the nudes of animals.

We could have handled sex in very natural manner and our children would move gracefully into sex, when the time came with the parental guidance. If such a healthy attitude existed, there would have been no pornography.

Sarvesh: Hemantji, you have given us the biological aspects whereas Shivoji, you have put light on the social attitudes.. But I see that there is one common thread running in both of your’s answers..And that is REPRESSION of something which is extremely NATURAL. There is a certain age around 13 – 14 , that suddenly a boy or a girl become suddenly aware of the sexual changes occurring in body. There is a wave of emotional, and sexual turmoil. So dont you feel that getting attracted to pornographic or sexually stimulating material is also natural ? Wouldn’t it be another suppression if we prevent children from doing that? Or is addiction the only result?

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

1. from a neuro-psychiatric point geting attracted to anything that is sexually stimulating is normal.
2. preventing a child from exposure to same, will only increase his/her curiosity about the same.
3. but a child becomes and more intrigued about the same because:
a. the taboo that the topic of sex carries around it
b. Lack of explanation of what the meaning of sex, and need of sex is

c. The meaning of pornography is explained to him by his friends who are equally ignorant on the topic of sex.

4. pornography is like watching a Rajnikanth movie.. the actions performed are good visuals.. not realistic. But this explanation is never given to a child.

5. when we talk about pornography addiction-
than its more of an expression of obsessive sexual thoughts.
it further leads to an obsessive compulsive behavior pattern, whereby masturbation and achievement of orgasm is the main goal.
6. pornography addiction doesn’t happen in all cases of people exposed to adult material. The chances are higher in those with high anxiety levels.

Osho Shivo:

It is true that sexuality awakens at the age of 13/14. But our social attitude is such, that parents want to deny or ignore the sexuality of their children. This throws children in chaos and they face the onslaught of desire and guilt and there is no one to guide them in healthy way. Pornography awakened desire, which remain unfulfilled. Sexual energy can also become creative energy, if it finds deeper acceptance, but it rather creates conflict as one is not able to handle it because of shame associated with it.

Sarvesh: Beautifully explained hemantji. The actions performed are good visuals..not realistic..Absolutely true. I know a few cases where divorces have happened just because the wife was not able to enact the scene from a porno which the husband expected her to!

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

yes sarvesh,
That’s a very common problem.

a. many men take upon pornography as the manual for sex.
things like:
i. sexual position
ii. performance time
iii. usage of sex toys
iv. even dresses during sexual intercourse are defined by pornography

unfortunately most of the actions performed are by professional artists and people fail to understand that.

2. i have had n number of cases, where men want to last 30min in bed.

On being asked do their wives want the same.. a 30min sexual intercourse. The simple answer is.. she has to comply for my pleasure.

I have men, who have performed anal intercourse with their wives.
unfortunately, they didn’t understand that an enema was required prior to it. and got the shock of their life.

Sarvesh: Well, whats your opinion on pornography as a medium of expressing sexual freedom? Whats so bad about pornography that we are not ready to accept it as a mode of expression?

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

hmm.. interesting question.

1. I would say its a great way to stimulate your senses. like a movie..
but its not an medium to express sexual freedom.
2. The reason being that pornography is an industry. and for the benefit of trade, only that is shown which can be sold.
A medium for sexual freedom should include emotional and physical expression in the true meaning of the word.
3. pornography is a visual stimulant. is it bad??.. well its like alcohol.. a few pegs don’t harm until you don’t get addicted.

Osho Shivo:

Unfortunately pornography not only awaken the desire which is going to remain unfulfilled, it also reinforces wrong fundamental about what the sexual pleasure is. Pornography deals sex as a purely physical matter and such a approach can never satisfy a person, when imitated. The beauty of sex is in deep love and this fact is totally forgotten in pornography.

Unfortunately, pornography phenomenon have risen along with lowering sexual satisfaction in society. Even though we may claim to be a sexually free society, the level of sexual satisfaction is far lower than what used to happen many years back. What is the reason? Because manipulation, cunningness and power games has entered the mind of our whole generation, which has caused premature ejaculation (for men) and lack of orgasm ( for women). So imagine, on one hand people are so much exposed to porn, on other hand they have lesser means to feel sexual satisfaction. Such a split is truly dangerous for society.

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

i totally agree with shivo on it..

Sarvesh: Absolutely! Its clear from the answers of both of you that pornography cannot be a source of sexual freedom at all. But from what shivoji, has just said, I see a catch-22 situation over here.. Since the society itself has got ‘infected with an unnatural and distorted attitude towards sex, then what can be expected from the parental guidance? Can parents really ‘guide’ their children in this matters? How can one victim guide another victim? Whats their real role?

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

1. parental guidance- not to hide pornography, and explain what it really is.
also help children understand their body changes, and sexual changes.

2. parents can guide their children. by being open about sex.
by giving them true and quality knowledge about sex.

3. a victim who gets true knowledge about sex. can help educate others

Osho Shivo:

Unfortunately, the guilt for sex is such a disease, that is has entered in deep psyche of our society. In fact, I feel that non recognition of sexual identity of their children is the first reason, why the distance develops between parents and children. You are very true Sarvesh, how can one victim guide another? Even the parents have not lived sex like a divinity, a mode of worship, so how can they guide their children?

Sarvesh: Shivoji, this question is specifically for you, although Hemantji you too are free to express your views..
Shiivoji, you mention this ‘unfulfilled sexual urges’ in your previous answer..What are they exactly? And why are such urges dangerous for the society?

Osho Shivo:

What I mean by unfulfilled sexual urges is the onslaught of sexual desires from all corners, including free availability of porn, but unavailability of good sexual relationship at the same time. Awakening of such desire without satisfying it, is really dangerous, as it gives rise to excessive masturbation, dealing of opposite sex as sexual objects, dangerous gender struggle between men and women, pre mature ejaculation and lack of orgasm.

If sexual energy can be guided up the chakras, which happens in a deeply loving relationship, it can turn the person more creative, compassionate, generous and intelligent. On the other hand, when the sexual energy flow downwards, as it does in any just physical sexual activity, person become destructive, greedy, lackluster and manipulative.

Sarvesh: Hemant ji, this question is for you. Whats your take on guiding the sexual energy as shivoji has said. Is it really enough to work out this issue only on the ‘attitude’ level ? Or is there something else? What does modern medical science say about this?

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

1. Sexual energy when defined in a medical science language, can be said to compromise of:
a. Hormones- specifically testosterone and estrogen
b. Psychological sexual desires- that are a combination of moral and social values.
2. The sexual hormones as in testosterone are known to have anabolic effect as in protein generation for muscular build up
but also they are known to affect the brain by altering with the serotonin mechanism and inducing negative emotions like anger.
hence over production of such hormones, which are triggered by excessive violent or sexually proactive thoughts can introduce emotional and psychological behavior problems.
3. coming to the psyco-sexual development described by the father of modern psychiatry, Sigmund Freud, he says.. that every person moves towards happiness. The purest form of happiness is the sexual gratification or gratification of the libido. It’s when the ego is in sync. with the super-ego. So if a person develops a mal-adaptive way of expressing these emotions, he is bound to find pleasure in negative actions.

Sarvesh: So, Hemantji, as a medical professional, what will be your advice towards GUIDING these sexual hormones.. How can they be directed towards appropriate channel? And what according to medical science is the APPROPRIATE CHANNELl to DEFUSING the SEXUAL HORMONES and the UNCONTROLLED SEXUAL DESIRES? Please throw some light on the guiding principles.

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

1. sexual hormones are secreted on being stimulated and having desire.
2. the way to guide them is having healthy knowledge about sex.
for example- as i mentioned, while watching a Rajnikanth movie, an individuals knows that its not reality. he has learnt it through experience, that you can hit a person so hard he will fly for 30meters.
similarly knowledge about what is sex, what is healthy sex and the need of both partners to be satisfied is very important for development of a relationship and both the individuals involved.
3.its very important to understand the reason for uncontrolled sexual desires?
a. sex being a taboo, creates a sense of mystery around it. anything that is seen as negative makes a person indulge into it.. since its a pleasurable experience, it reinforces the behavior pattern.
b. personality of an individual- most men in India are very shy to talk openly with the opposite sex. they just keep fantasizing about some girl in their class, college or workplace.
its important to diffuse this sexual tension, where talking to a girl means she will end up being ur girl-friend or land up in bed with u.
c. moral values- many of the moral values we preach upon in today’s world are just not practical.
i. a woman has to be virgin till her marriage, while a man doesn’t have the same compulsion
ii. sex only after marriage is right
iii. once married, a woman is bound to subject to the sexual desires of her husband
iv. in a marriage, what matters is male sexual satisfaction…
v. a man can have an extra-marital affair, and he is forgiven as having committed a mistake. but if the woman does it, she gets to be punished.

These moral values, add to the sexual tension that an individual already carries in his mind, thanks to sexual taboo and personality issues. this destroys sexual expression.he/she tries to find the best way out, which is through fantasy…

Sarvesh: Thanks hemantji for that view. Shivoji, you have earlier mentioned in one of your articles that all the evils in this world which cause tremendous pain to humanity, like terrorism, pollution, corporate greed etc, have distorted approach towards sex as one of the core reasons.. I remember it was a bit difficult for me to digest this. How would you clarify this to the intellectual class?

Osho Shivo:

Yes, it is very true Sarvesh. If we look deeply into this whole phenomenon. A loving man woman relationship is so deeply satisfying. When one doesnt get that deep joy, he / she tries to find it in worldly ways, for example, by grabbing the power, trying to accumulate wealth etc. If we had deep ecstasy between men and women, this whole world will be so much more loving and they will know it is futile to run after power and materialistic possessions. Then we wont be destroying our planet, nor youth can be allured into terrorism by way of promise of virgin girls in paradise.

Sarvesh: I think the readers by now would be clear with the causes and consequences of Pornography addiction. Now talking on the specific issue as to how to free oneself from this addiction, I would like to ask you both about the specific techniques that can be used. Hemantji, you can give us the medical perspective and Shivoji, you can explain to us the spiritual methods..

Osho Shivo:
If one has a deeply loving and ecstatic sexual experiences, one will not be attracted to the fallacy of pornography, One must cultivate deep love and surrender in relationship and freedom from porn is automatic. Deep trust and surrender to each other is the key to attain ecstasy in sex. Also, it is very important to be in touch with soul, when lovers enter in sex. When one is in strong desire, the experience of sex can not be good. On the other hand if one is in deep peace, sex energy rises up the chakras and hence turn the lovers more creative, energetic, intelligent and powerful. It is wonderful to meditate or dance together, before entering into love making. There is also a wonderful couple meditation techniques devised by Osho, called “Naadbrahma meditation for couples”, which is based on humming together by both the lovers, while holding hands. I have suggested the humming technique to many couples before making love and I have gotten the miraculous feedback of transformation in very short time. Readers can search on You Tube and Google to more about this meditation.

Dr. Hemant Mittal:

from a medical perspective:
1. identification of it being a pornography addiction- it has to be classified as being a uncontrollable habit.

2. once it has been identified.- a qualitative and quantitative psychoanalysis of the individual on:
a. knowledge about sex.
b. reasons for usage of pornography
c. desires/fantasies that have been created due to pornography
d. sexual experimentation done by an individual because of exposure to pornography
e. relationship stress that has arised due to it.

3. counseling- cognitive behavioral therapy is a good method of empowering the individual with knowledge about sex and pornography

4. in severe cases, specially in one’s where pornography addiction has lead to physical and sexual abuse, medications are prescribed.
Considering the side-effect of many of them, I recommend only new age, non-sedative, non-addictive medications to be given for a few days or weeks to help the brain come out of the addictive cycle.

Sarvesh: Thank you hemantji and shivoji for suggesting such wonderful solutions. Man is a composition of body, mind & spirit. Some techniques would work on the level of body and the mind while others work on the ‘being’ level. So we can sum up by saying that in order to disentangle the youth from this monstrous addiction called ‘pornography’, the society should see to it that, not only are the young children trained to develop a healthy body, but also a healthy mind and spirit. Psychoanalysis can go a long way, however true spirituality would make the journey much smoother. A spiritually healthy society is one who respects and develops true love and compassion. Such a society would develop a naturally matured outlook towards women and sex. Then there is no question of developing any addiction, in the first place.

Thanks Hemantji and Shivoji for your wonderful contributions. I hope young readers of this interview, who may be already addicted to pornography, will definitely see a silver lining and find tremendous hope. Others will find this interview give them an extremely fresh, lively and matured outlook towards sex and also towards life in general.
Wishing all the best to both of you.